And so this is Christmas, and just WHAT have you you done? Actually, I don't want to know what you've done. Seriously. Stop tweeting about it. But yet another year is coming to an end, and I thought it would be a smashing time to look over the events of this crazy mixed up year we called 2012. First off, let's talk about the biggie. The world didn't end, did it? You're reading this. I wrote this. Everything is perfectly fine. I'm know you ran around warning everyone, emptying your bank account, but I bet right now you're feeling pretty silly for hording all those cans of Organic Vegan Chili, aren't you?
My year began with my highly publicized relationship with Taylor Swift. We had fun, saw the sights, made the trade papers, but in the end we broke up. It was a mutual ending, as it benefited the both of us. She got enough material for her next album, and I got enough material for my first book, Swifty and Me. That was most of my romantic life right there. I did fall in love with another lovely lass, but the less said about that the better.
I lived with a crazy cat lady for six months, which was one of my odder experiments. My allergies went into overdrive, the cats found creative ways to relive themselves on the floor of my bedroom, and I think she plotted murder in her sleep. It was kinda like living in a very low-rent version of Downton Abby, only everyone was a cat. But that's just one of the bigger moment's. Some of life's true gems are those smaller, quiet moments. I had a few of those this year. I saw the grand canyon, I was best man in a wedding, and I had Maury Povich tell me that I was not the father.
2012 was also the year I decided to break into the business world. During early Fall I launched my new video game system, the YBOX. I designed and developed the YBOX myself, and even did all the programming. Unfortunately, once activated, the best anyone could do on them was play a barely passable version of pong. At least it had the rich color pallet found on the Commodore computer system.
It was revealed to the world this year, that I have been writing a series of romance novels under the pen name I.M. McCuddly. Why have I done this? Because I've seen what Nicholas Sparks makes in a year, that's why! My series of books about finding love letters in jars off the coast of South Carolina have been a huge hit. There's: The Jar, The Other Jar, and The Jar That's Not at All Related to Those Other Two Jars. The first book has been optioned for movie, which in turn led to everyone having a Merry Christmas this year.
That was 2012, not a bad year at all, and not a year filled with the cursed destruction of us all (and if you believed in that, you now get to live with everyone officially knowing that you're “a little off”). It was a year with its ups and downs, as most of them are. But as we say goodbye to this year, I hope we can all take a moment and hope for a more peaceful--and better--2013. Not just for us, but for everyone. Happy New Year all, 13 is not an unlucky number.