takes on our sixteenth president. Outside of the recent Spielberg picture, there was “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. So in keeping with modern times, how else can we use the great emancipator for fun and profit?
Where could one possibly go from here? We've had Lincoln the vampire hunter, Lincoln the 3-D IMAX experience, and Lincoln the action star. The next logical progression would be to have Abe Lincoln as a sort of superhero. The success of all these Lincoln themed films would make needy television executives rush in a blur of activity to create their own Lincoln franchise. Modern TV lore tells that you must have a show that will appeal to everyone, and if you can do it as cheaply as possible all the better. Hence, the show would be a Lincoln-ized remake of an older TV favorite.
The show's opening sequence would begin with Lincoln being shot at Ford's Theater. A voice over would begin. “Abraham Lincoln. President. A Man barely alive.” We would see the president being rushed into a shockingly modern looking medical facility. A man would speak. “Gentlemen, we can rebuild him, we have the technology.” A radically shocking form of tech based on studies from Thomas Jefferson's secret notebooks. “We can make him faster, stronger, better than he was before.”
We would then see our sixteenth president, being outfitting with all kinds of steampunk looking objects, this would then dissolve to a shot of Lincoln running through a field in slow motion, stovepipe hat and all. Lincoln would then jump over rows of cattle, all to a “shananana” sound effect. We'd see Lincoln smash his way though walls to free slaves, and lift full grown horses over his head. “This fall, Abraham Lincoln is The Six Million Dollar President.” It would be a smash hit, and the spin off would be “The Bionic Mary Todd”.