Skip to main content

Forgotten Lore

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, trying to come up with a Halloween column was a bore. It seemed not a single idea that my mind conceived of satisfied my need of. My need of a topic that was not a bore. My need of a column that I hadn't done before. Then is when I noticed, resting gently on the glass top coffee table. My iPhone, fully charged, ready, able to handle any single chore.

Soon my fingers went to tapping, some would say gently rapping. Rapping across the glass touch screen. Typing for an answer to my problem. I asked Siri to find me answers, find me a common list of Halloween traditions. Yet all Sir would reply with was “nevermore”. “Nevermore”? What is this “nevermore”? Oh, a curse upon this iOS 7! A curse upon it and it's day glow colors, that cheerfully display the “nevermore.”

Desperately I spoke the words once more, the words that would complete my futile chore “Siri, what are some popular American Halloween traditions?” Still, Siri would only reply with “nevermore”. I threw the phone down into my easy chair, and ran up the stair. To the computer inside my office door, the one that I had used all those many times before. I woke the computer and went to Google, Google an answer to my chore, an answer that would not make my Halloween column a bore.

But alas, Google was not the answer, the router was shot, the connection was no more. Then is when I realized to my own horror, that my only connection to the outside world, and the world wide web, was that of 4G on the device that kept repeating “nevermore”. I rushed back down and picked up the iPhone, “Siri, truly your forgiveness I implore! I must complete this chore, or else my column will be a bore!” Quoth, Siri, “Nevermore”.

“Vive digital temptress!” I exclaimed, “A pox upon thee, Siri! A pox upon thee and thy programmer's door. A pox that will curse them with 'nevermore'!” In my desperation, I tried to message friends for help, yet the update of iOS 7 had shattered my iMessages. Text as much as I could, it seemed I could not reach them. “Siri, please, I beg you, can you tell me how to fix my messages?”
Quoth, Siri, “Nevermore”.

A loud rumble of thunder, and a crack of lighting roared, wind so furious it blew open my chamber door. I quickly ran to the door, and tried with all my might to shut it once more. Once shut, I finally collapsed, collapsed into the soft cushions of my straight back chair that faced the door. Collapsed determined to no longer hear Siri speak “nevermore”. My exhaustion gave in, and I rested, woken only in the morning by the feeling of the warm sun rising upon an Autumn day.

I woke and grabbed my iPhone, which had somehow landed over by the fireplace. I asked “Siri, what does my day look like?” “You have a meeting at two”. I was in no state to be seen by others, so I simply said to Siri “Cancel the meeting, I shall be attending them, nevermore”. With time I finished my column, and it was not a bore. Still I remain curious, curious of that night, and if ever again will I hear Siri say to me “nevermore”.  


Popular posts from this blog

Convincing Yourself You're Good.

I have Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome is that feeling that what you do isn't good enough, and that someone is gonna eventually figure out how woefully unqualified you are and kick you to the curb. One of the traits of my personality that I dislike is that I am way too hard on myself. Seriously, give my mind an inch and I will somehow figure out that I am the sole person responsible for the world's troubles.

Having Imposter Syndrome is kind of like playing the game Werewolf. My friends and I play a version of the game called One Night Ultimate Werewolf, in the game each player picks a card that gives them a specific role, either a villager or a werewolf, and the villagers all have distinct roles that they play on top of that--special abilities and the like. The object of the game is two fold, if you're a werewolf, you don't wanna be caught. If you're a village, you wanna catch the werewolves. Imposter Syndrome makes you feel like you're always in the role…

Where The Blues Are

I come to you again this week with another pair of blu-rays from those master celluloid handlers at Warner Archive. First up we have 1960’s “Where The Boys Are,” a defining teen picture of the era by MGM, and the film largely responsible for kicking off the whole cycle of 1960s beach films. The other is 1955’s “Pete Kelly’s Blues” a film starring, produced, and directed by Jack Webb--TV’s Joe Friday. Part of a deal Webb had made with Warner Brothers when he was setting up the original big screen version of “Dragnet” in the ‘50s. 
“Where The Boys Are” was set for the screen before the book it was based on had been released. Producer Joe Pasternak snatched up the rights to the book by Glendon Swarthout, which was originally titled “Unholy Spring.” Pasternak, strongly feeling “Where The Boys Are” would be the better title, persuaded Swarthout to change the book’s title. Pasternak also felt he could use the film as a starring vehicle for one of the stars of MGM’s record label, Connie Franc…


Picture it! Scilly, 1922! OK, actually Andy Ross’s Childhood Bedroom 1993. I had been given as a gift the dream attachment for my beloved Sega Genesis, the amazing Sega CD. For those of you young children who have only grown up in the era of XBox and Playstation, it may seem strange that there was once a time when the idea of playing a video game off of a compact disc was mind blowing. But it was, and I was fully ready to have my mind blown. To use a slogan of Sega’s ads of the era, I was ready to enter “The Next Level.”

The Sega CD model I had was the second one, the smaller model designed to go with the slimmer Genesis that had been introduced to the market. I had the first Genesis, the larger one, but the Sega CD came with an extension block that allowed it to partner it on the original model. You attached the Sega CD to your Genesis by a special connector on the side of system. The Sega CD came with a game to get you going, as was the norm with gaming systems at the time. The game …