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Showing posts from January, 2014

Men, We Need to Talk

Men, we need to talk. Let's begin by hanging that banner up over in the corner of the room, the one that reads “You're Killing Me, Buster.” Guys, the women in your life are unhappy. How do I know? I know from the way that I see people on dates, the looks on the females face's while the men check God only knows what on their smartphone. I know in the way men have bought into this bullshit idea from the media that being a sophisticated gentleman is “unmanly,” that it means you haven't earned your “man card.” Exactly how insecure are you that you need a damn body wash advertisement to clarify your existence as a male member of the population?
We need to focus less on the idea of “manliness” and more on the idea of being a modern gentleman. First off, is being a gentleman anti-feminist? Hell no! Being a gentleman is all about respect. Respect for yourself, respect for others, and respect for women above all else. Let's face it, our girlfriends could murder us in ou…

The Wonder Twins

“Why did I agree to go out tonight?” is what the text on my phone read. The text message came in at a quarter to midnight. I was at home, watching the movie Die! Die! My Darling! for the first time on TCM (A film that I've wanted to see for a long time, but was mostly a disappointment). The text was not a cry for help from a night gone sour, not remotely, instead it was a text of despair from a friend of mine who makes up half of a superpower that fights crime in the most amazing way possible. We never actually go out and fight crime. We're like The Wonder Twins, only we're The Wonder Twins of Anxiety and Needing to Be Alone To Recharge.
That's exactly the situation my friend was in, she had spent most of her day out with people socializing, and she was desperately pining for the peace of being alone with a book. She pines for books, I pine for movies. On that particular day I was most sympathetic with her, as my day had been spent taking five hours to watch a 90 mi…

Climb Every Mountain

I couldn't think of a picture to use, here's Alfie
I have done a lot of things in my time in order to win the affections of the female population. Desperate attempts to prove to them that I am worthy of having “boyfriend status,” despite the fact that as I grow older I'm coming to find that I'm the real life hybrid of Charlie Brown and Liz Lemon. Always having the football taken away from me at the last second, or having the constant desire to “want to go to there.”
One of these moments in my life came last spring, as I went hiking for the first time. She was an outdoorsy lass, and I am, well, not. With my flat feet, my perpetual allergies, and my fondness for indoor plumbing, I find that nature hikes are not my thing. I like nature, and I like being in it from time to time. I would rather spend my time having a picnic in a park, than playing junior explorer.
Yet when she texted me and asked me if I would like to go hiking with her, I said yes. She told me it wo…

For Phil

Usually the deaths of famous people and artists don't affect me that much. I'll have a moment of sadness and think about it, but then it'll pass from my brain. But when the death of Phil Everly, half of the pioneering, wildly influential rock duo, The Everly Brothers, passed away it really hit me. When the news of Phil's death came in the evening of January 3rd, delivered to me from a post by a friend on Facebook, I said out loud “Oh, no.” I quickly grabbed a video of “Walk Right Back” off YouTube and posted it to my Facebook page, then I went over to my record player and started playing Everly Brothers records.
I listened to the songs that night, and was reminded—as I am every time I listen to them—of how crazily perfect their harmonies were. It wasn't till the two days later, the morning of the 5th, that it really seemed to hit me. CBS's Sunday Morning program did a lovely tribute to Phil, and when I heard the opening chord to “All I Have to Do Is Dream,” I …

I'd Like to Issue an Apology

To my friends, fans, and family.
I'd like to take a moment and issue an apology. I'm sure by now most of you know that in a recent interview in Modern Maturity, I made some controversial statements that made many people upset. I'd like to begin by reminded you of what I, foolishly, said. In the interview I stated: “I don't see how anyone could enjoy the Xbox One or Playstation Four, when Nintendo's Wii U is the clearly superior system.”
The outrage was immediate and immense. I lost half of my Twitter followers, three to be exact, and many people were calling for my resignation. The sharpest repercussion that took place was my suspension from my hit YouTube Series, Squirrel Dallas, in which actors in squirrel costumes re-create scenes from the famous 1980s primetime soap opera Dallas (and I was playing J.R. too!). Amazingly , for as many people as were upset, as many were angry that people were angry. There was a Facebook group called “Put Andy Back In The Squir…