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Your Table Is Ready



We both knew going into the restaurant at seven on a Friday night was asking for a long wait, but it was the only time she was free, so we went with it. It wasn't a particularly upscale place, and it wasn't a particularly downscale place either, but it was the type of place full of people on a Friday night. After a twenty minute wait in a cramp waiting room surrounded by strangers—which always makes me a little uneasy—our table was ready. A plucky hostess came to seat us.

Our table was one of the two that bordered the large, circular table for groups that sat in the corner of the dining area. I glanced at the table as I waited for my dining partner to sit down. There was five people there, looking at menus with two more menus on the table, they were waiting for people. I sat at the table, and we both opened up our menus and began to look over what we might want to digest. As this was going on, we heard the voice of a woman, it was shrill, not loud, but audible. “If you touch that one more, I'm gonna kill you!!” the voice said.

With perfect timing, my date and I both lowered our menus and glanced at each other. As we both shot each other looks that said “Did we just hear that?” we heard a voice that said “But Mom, I just wanted to play with my Nintendo for a moment.” That was followed by the shrill voice again saying “Don't touch it!” We knew we wanted to laugh, but couldn't, and quickly buried our heads back in our menus.

A moment passed, and after that moment our waiter appeared and we ordered. It had seemed that while we were ordering, the other members of the party arrived at the corner table. A couple who appeared to be late middle aged, with the man wearing a baseball cap, and a ill-fitting T-Shirt that read “Whatever It Takes” all over the front of it. My date and I shared another look at each other, accentuated by a smirk.

Our appetizer came, we ate it while we chatted about various aspects of life. All of this peppered with sounds from the circle table wafting over from time to time. I don't know what that kid did, but everyone was ready to bring holy hell down upon him if he dared played with his Nintendo DS again. We did learn that Mr. “Whatever It Takes” had some kind of weird business deal situation going on, as he kept taking calls on his cell phone and loudly discussing his deals at the table.

The moment that my date and I came very close to bursting out in laugher, was when Mr. “Takes” was overheard saying “Fire her!? I can't get rid of her! She's got papers on me, Man! I could face a $10,000 fine and five years of prison!” It didn't help that this was followed immediately by a shrill “Don't touch it!” At that moment, we both began to wonder, were we on to some type of new TV show that is a perfect blend of Arrested Development and Duck Dynasty.

After dinner we drove to an ice cream shop, laughing all the way, we had hurried our meal as we didn't want to bare witness to a murder. Standing in line at the ice cream shop, we both kept laughing to each other. Each time one of us would point to a flavor, the other one would say “Don't touch it!” The whole week I was hoping for a evening that would go well, and it did, complete with free table side entertainment at dinner. What more could one ask for, unless you're not allowed to touch that you want to ask for?

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