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Showing posts from September, 2014

Franchise City

I've been thinking about franchise films lately. I don't hate the concept, but I do think that Hollywood is getting carried away trying to turn EVERYTHING into a franchise. It makes sense in some places, particularly when done well (Marvel Studios). Yet a recent article talking of the long rumored “Ghostbusters 3” had Dan Akroyd quoted saying he'd like to turn “Ghostbusters” into a Marvel Universe-esq type film series. I grew up on “Ghostbusters.” My childhood sustenance was based on a steady stream of Ecto Cooler and Slimer toothpaste. The first film I ever saw in a movie theater was “Ghostbusters 2!” Yet, I'm not so sure I want to see an epic “Ghostbusters” saga universe.
Despite it being the be all end of all of Hollywood today, the concept of a long reaching franchise isn't anything new. If anything from Hollywood's past mirrors of the modern conceits we're seeing now, it's Universal's classic Horror and Monster movies that span the early 1…

The Future, With 20% more Chrome

"Greetings my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives." That immortal bit of dialogue opens up the 1959 B movie classic "Plan 9 From Outer Space." It's a moment of Ed Wood brilliance that came to mind the other day, as I sat on my bed and watched a live stream of Apple announcing their new products. I say “watched,” but the live stream of Apple's new product launch was not on par with their phones. After buffering kept going all over the place, I walked away from my AppleTV box, then went to the live blog on tech website Engadget.
I've been rocking an iPhone 4 for the past few years, and been quite happy with it. However, in the past few months it has begun to show its age. Naturally I was curious as to what great new miracles the tech giant had planned. Would the new iPhone have powers that might let me walk through walls? Would it be able to project a tiny hologram? Would …

To Stache, or Not to Stache

Every now and then I'll go a day or two without shaving. Sometimes when I've skipped two days, and I have a rather noticeable look at what my beard line is like, I'll stand in the mirror and have a conversation with myself. “Hmm. You could grow some facial hair, if you wanted.” Once I begin this conversation with myself, the next step is to determine what kind of facial hair I could adequately grow.
A beard? No, not enough on the sides for that. I then come to the realization that maybe I could rock a mustache. “Hmm, I might have a certain Ernie Kovacs touch with a mustache. It could be quite suave.” But then after thinking about it, I decide that even though I can rock a two day stubble, perhaps facial hair just wouldn't quite fit in with my general demeanor. I shave it all off, and I like the reflection that I see looking back at me.
Still, the thought of a mustachioed Andy haunts me. I think about it often while shaving. Sure, there's the argument “Just …

"The Game of Hodor" by Parker Brothers

For best experience, picture the following in your head as a late '80s/early '90s board game commercial, featuring children aged 7-10. 

Announcer: New! From Parker Brothers! It's "The Game of Hodor!" You and up to three friends can all play as your favorite character from "Game of Thrones!" Place your Hodor piece on Hodor and roll the dice! Move Hodor along the board and try to be the first to get Hodor all the way from Hodor, to Hodor! But watch out! Land on Hodor, draw a Hodor card, and watch the action happen!

7 year old girl: Oh, no! The card says Hodor! It's back to Hodor for me...

9 year old boy: My card says I was killed by George R.R. Martin, loose a turn.

Announcer: It's challenging! It's fun! Every space says Hodor so it's just as overwhelming as watching the TV show! "The Game of Hodor!" From Parker Brothers!

Old Codgers of the 1990s

Let us imagine that it is the not too distant future. We are paying a visit to the nursing home, it doesn't matter which one, just picture one in your head. There's a group of senior citizens sitting around in their wheelchairs, they are wistfully reminiscing about the "good old days" of their youth. Their grandchildren have come to pay them visit, and they are ranting to them about how things used to be so long ago, in their beloved 1990s salad days.
"You galdurn wretches wouldn't know a good video game if it bit you on the hind-end!" one man begins. "In my day we only had 16 bits of graphics and we were DARN THANKFUL FOR IT! Save feature? HA! We were LUCKY if we had a save feature! You had to beat all of Sonic The Hedgehog in one sitting! Oh, power failure? Your mother turns off the game to call you down to dinner? Tough cookies, Martha! It was OVER!"
The grandmothers are sitting around in another part of the common area, quietly sip…