Skip to main content

A Christmas Newsletter: 2014

Dear loved ones,

It's that magical time of the year again, that time when we all come together to embrace our fellow humans in a warm embrace that only slightly reeks of scotch. I'm sitting in our den by the tree, typing this out on my tablet. The four year old is playing underneath the tree, and so far hasn't managed to open up any of the gifts that are already under the tree. This year I was very proactive in keeping spying hands from opening up anything. I covered everything in a thin layer of concrete. The sounds of Christmas morning will now include hammers and chisels.

I drove a float in the parade again this year, it was for Uncle Bob's Tofu Hut and we tossed out free samples of their mint flavored tofu to the crowd. I think it confused people, everyone seemed to think it was some type of congealed snow material. The parade was quite good this year, my driving was again excellent! I'm glad it wasn't another repeat of the “Pizza Hut Crash” of 2007, I'm still dealing with the legal fees from that one. Back home on the farm, it had managed to snow suddenly and the kids wanted to build a snowman. They've seen “Frozen” so many times that's all they think about. Incidentally, I've seen “Frozen” so many times that at breakfast at McDonald's the other day, I started to get dark thoughts while looking at the plastic knife that came with my hotcakes.

My team and I finished filming last night on a Christmas special that will air next year, “Andy's Country Christmas Celebration,” and it will be spectacular. During the part where we recreated “The Nutcracker” with celery and carrots, I began to have one of my spectacular freak outs. I began to fire people left and right, and was only subdued when my assistant stepped in began forcing a tank full of laughing gas on me. I recanted all the firings and gave everyone a bonus. It's such a blessing to know that those who work for you both love and fear you equally.

This year we're not spending Christmas on the farm, we're going upstate to another farm. The kids are not too happy about it, but the farm is on a vineyard and that makes the wife very happy. We've both had such a great year with my careers, we can't simply say enough about it. My books all sold well over tens of copies, and her career in managing frozen food deliveries for post modern families in a neo modern setting has been going decent. The kids schoolings are going well too. Little Percefeney has become a wiz in her Little Miss Ballet class. Percefeney's teacher is quite progressive too, I never thought I'd see a group of six year old Ballet to “When Doves Cry.”

Time to wrap it dear loved ones, I hope you have a lovely Christmas season with you and your family. Enclosed you'll find a picture of us all at the beach. Hope you enjoy it.

Merry Merry,

 Andrew Loyd Evelyn Williamson Junior Johnson Ross


Popular posts from this blog

Where The Blues Are

I come to you again this week with another pair of blu-rays from those master celluloid handlers at Warner Archive. First up we have 1960’s “Where The Boys Are,” a defining teen picture of the era by MGM, and the film largely responsible for kicking off the whole cycle of 1960s beach films. The other is 1955’s “Pete Kelly’s Blues” a film starring, produced, and directed by Jack Webb--TV’s Joe Friday. Part of a deal Webb had made with Warner Brothers when he was setting up the original big screen version of “Dragnet” in the ‘50s. 
“Where The Boys Are” was set for the screen before the book it was based on had been released. Producer Joe Pasternak snatched up the rights to the book by Glendon Swarthout, which was originally titled “Unholy Spring.” Pasternak, strongly feeling “Where The Boys Are” would be the better title, persuaded Swarthout to change the book’s title. Pasternak also felt he could use the film as a starring vehicle for one of the stars of MGM’s record label, Connie Franc…

Red, White, and Blaine

In 1996 Christopher Guest returned to the mockumentary genre with his look at regional theater “Waiting for Guffman.” Guest, most famously, being one-third of the fictional rock band Spinal Tap in the perhaps the best mockumentary ever made, “This is Spinal Tap.” “Guffman” also kicks off the cycle of Christopher Guest directed mockumentaries. The films all using the same group of actors, and all written by Guest with Eugene Levy, both of whom also act in the films. Guest’s films are largely improved by the actors, with the written material serving as an outline for the film’s story.

“Guffman” takes place in the fictional town of Blaine, Missouri—a small town that is celebrating its 150th anniversary. Big dreamer and New York Transplant, Corky St. Clair (Guest) has created a musical celebration of the town called “Red, White, and Blaine.” The show within the show appears towards the end of the film, Guest teamed up with his "Spinal Tap” cohorts, Michael McKean & Harry Shearer, …


Picture it! Scilly, 1922! OK, actually Andy Ross’s Childhood Bedroom 1993. I had been given as a gift the dream attachment for my beloved Sega Genesis, the amazing Sega CD. For those of you young children who have only grown up in the era of XBox and Playstation, it may seem strange that there was once a time when the idea of playing a video game off of a compact disc was mind blowing. But it was, and I was fully ready to have my mind blown. To use a slogan of Sega’s ads of the era, I was ready to enter “The Next Level.”

The Sega CD model I had was the second one, the smaller model designed to go with the slimmer Genesis that had been introduced to the market. I had the first Genesis, the larger one, but the Sega CD came with an extension block that allowed it to partner it on the original model. You attached the Sega CD to your Genesis by a special connector on the side of system. The Sega CD came with a game to get you going, as was the norm with gaming systems at the time. The game …