Much like the amazing Criswell at the start of Ed Wood's masterpiece “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” I have myself filled with a need to tell you about the future, for that is where you and I will spend the rest of our lives. So as we find ourselves saying goodbye to 2014 and hello to 2015, I would like to take some time to present a short list of predictions I have for the coming year, including (insert whichever reference to “Back To The Future, Part Two” you want here).
- Cheese will become a powerful weapon, but only in the war for morning network TV supremacy.
- Scientists will be shocked when they discover that he most reliable source of renewable energy is the discarded underwear of Canadian Prime Ministers.
- Wearing chaps without pants will become more socially acceptable.
- People who refer to bottle feeding their newborns as “getting milk drunk” will be banned from the internet.
- The Geico Gekko will be revealed to have actually been James Franco the entire time.
- Former Vice-President Dick Cheney will star in a one man Broadway spectacular called “Oh, That Dick!”
- People craving the now dead iPod classic, will eventually revert all the way back to caring the walkman again. This trend will also be partially inspired by “Guardians of the Galaxy.”
- Applebee's will shock everyone by changing from selling food, into a retailer of soap made my Hipsters who refuse to use soap.
- “Dancing with The Stars” will abruptly change formats into a show in which famous people from 20 years ago try to beat each other's scores at Pac-Man.
And there you have it! A look at what I think will come to pass in the coming year. Happy 2015 everyone, let's make it a good year!