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Prudent Events From the Last PTA Meeting


7:00 PM: Meeting called to order, pledge of allegiance held. 

7:05 PM: The source of the squeaking sound was determined to be the science class pet ferret loose in the ceiling—Mr. Fiveash called to deal with situation. 

7:08 PM: Overwhelming majority votes to defund high school chorus trip to New York City. 

7:09 PM: Overwhelming majority votes to fund water polo team trip to Disneyland. 

7:15 PM: Meeting opened up to questions from parents. 

7:17 PM: Concerned parent asks PTA “Why are we teaching science to our children? Don’t you understand you are placing them in league with the devil?” 

7:18 PM: Citizen who supports the question asked by the parent speaks out of turn, demands to know the size of the PTA Chairperson’s hands. 

7:19 PM: Awkward silence falls upon the room. 

7:25 PM: Bored with the meeting, one PTA board member asks if it would be possible to postpone the rest of that day’s business, and play with a parachute from the PE class. 

7:26 PM: PTA votes on who will go and retrieve the parachute from the PE class. 

7:28 PM: Member voted to retrieve parachute returns and informs meeting gym door is locked. Asks if anyone has a bobby pin. 

7:30 PM: As parachute is brought into meeting area, chairs are cleared and put away. 

7:50 PM: After twenty minutes of parachute play, members of the school board arrive and try to stop it. Someone in the room was broadcasting the fun on Facebook. 

7:52 PM: As word of the meeting’s play break spreads on social media, and the unsuccessful attempts to stop it, more teachers and area principals arrive. 

7:54 PM: The PTA chairperson refuses to stop the parachute play, states “I’ve never felt so alive!” 

7:55 PM: A computer class student hacks the PA system and uses it to play Beyonce. 

7:56 PM: Dance party breaks out under the parachute. 

7:58 PM: The school superintendent arrives, he is seen phoning the police. 

7:59 PM: Angry parent, who approves of the fun dance party, squeezes the contents of a Capri Sun at the superintendent. 

8:01 PM: Police arrive, they attempt to break up the party. PTA Chairperson refuses to stop, punches officer in the face as they attempt to remove them from the parachute. 

8:02 PM: PTA Chairperson is arrested for assaulting a police officer. 

8:05 PM: Police have arrested most of the PTA board, a number of the meeting attendants, while many others have fled. 

8:10 PM: Local media begins to salivate over the biggest story of the year. 

8:20 PM: Jailed together, those responsible for the parachute fun stage a protest singing of “The Times They Are A-Changin’.” 

8:45 PM: All are released, resignation letters are drawn. 

9:00 PM: Press releases for the following day are prepared. 

This concludes the events of the last PTA meeting.

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